Saturday, July 31, 2010

4:40 P.M. Friday July 30th 2010 - Obama - Petraeus Body Bag

The President returned to the White House at 4:40 P.M. after traveling to Detroit to visit both a GM and Chrysler plant. His day trips were tiring. He’s up early, then its go-go-go all day, smiling, shaking hands and more smiling, a speech here, a speech there. The salvaging of the union controlled auto industry for practical reasons was a waste of time and money that most economists knew, but if you were a socialist it made perfect sense. Of course, if you had a couple million union votes on the line, it would be important for your political longevity. Anyway it wasn’t his money that propped up these dying rusty dinosaurs; it was the distracted American taxpayers who were too busy working to save what was left of their homes and lives. The foreign auto makers who set up shop in right-to-work states in the south were kicking the UAW’s ass in quality, production and profitability. The President was now doing everything in his power to take them over, but there were still some laws left out there that could stop him, for now.
Michelle was running around getting ready for her trip to Spain while he popped a beer, loosened his tie and flopped into a wingback chair that must have been ten times older than him. He kept thinking back to his conversation with General Petraeus just after he was elected, back in Iraq, in the Green Zone and how he flat out read him the riot act. He thought how he chewed him up and spit him out like an old piece of gum. His ego never got over that moment and he swore he’d get even with him for exposing his many weak sides. The General was intelligent and a real strategist who could play the game with the best of them and the President found out the hard way that he wasn’t one of them. The inexperienced young President actually thought he could walk into a theater of war and tell the Generals what to do, big mistake.
The President knew that by sending Petraeus to command the Afghan War it got him out of the political scene and put him in harm’s way. In the meantime he kept his fingers crossed for that day when the General came back in a body bag. The President knew that the U.S. Military was the only thing between him and his goal of complete control of the country. They trumped him at every turn and what really drove the President crazy was the way the Joint Chiefs treated him. It was like he was a child who was too inexperienced to understand. “Listen to us, we know better. You just keep quiet and sit in your corner while we run things.”
The problem now was that the President's handlers had calculated that he would be more in control of his military at this point. It was imperative that he gain that control of them before the last phase of the plan was implemented as the 546th day of the Obama Presidency belched from a stale beer.

2:33 P.M. Thursday July 29th 2010 - Obama - Gates Has the Dirt On You


OPERATION: ALICE IN WONDERLAND was running into problems, with the new President fighting every move the Joint Chiefs stuck in front of him. The Chiefs were starting to wonder who this guy really was. He was checked out by the FBI several times and got a pass. So, what was the problem they kept thinking, why the resistance?
Secretary Gates now had a week to digest Regional CIA Case Manager, Dave Simon’s findings. It was a chilling tale that the Secretary at first found bizarre and hard to believe until Dave laid out all of the evidence that George had compiled. It was pretty convincing that Islamic radicals were operational within the U.S. Government. The next step was to find out who they were and how they got there. This had to be kept from Homeland Security because of how political the department had become. Clearing information and investigations through them would be a mistake, since at this point no one could be trusted. This Administration was riddled with leaks and very suspicious people who frankly had unacceptable backgrounds. Secretary Gates was the point man for the defense of the United States and it was becoming more and more difficult with all of the bobs and weaves of this President. He put his best military investigators on the case and went on like nothing was wrong.
Somewhere southeast of the Strait of Hormuz on the southern coast of Iran, Captain Shelanski, of the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Harry Truman intercepted an SOS message coming from a Japanese oil tanker who had reported hitting a mine while leaving the Strait. Captain Shelanski dispatched an explosives expert to the vessel to investigate the explosion and to report back to him as soon as possible. After several hours and numerous communications it was obvious that the tanker had run into a mine. It was not severely damaged and was able to proceed on its way to Tokyo. The Captain then contacted the Pentagon with his findings. After several hours the Pentagon finally got back to him with an official comment that the Captain was to use. There was no mention of the tanker hitting a mine, rather they concocted a fictitious story of how the tanker had run into debris and that all was well now. The Captain knew why they didn’t want the real story to get out to the real world. The implications that Iran was now preparing to lay a mine field across the Strait would send ripples across international oil markets and would make his job ten times tougher with tankers panicking while rushing to exit through the eye of a needle, meaning the strait. So, he proceeded with caution knowing that time was nearing to a confrontation with Iran to his north.
Back in Washington Secretary Gates headed over to his daily briefing with the Joint Chiefs. The President was now out of town campaigning and the Secretary felt good not having him around since all he ever did was tie things up rather than move things along. The Secretary had a lot of dirt on this President but what Dave gave him last week would make that look like kid stuff as the 545th day of the Obama Presidency campaigned like nothing was going on.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

2:29 P.M. Wednesday July 28th 2010 - Obama - Rahm Emanuel Has Lost His Mind


Eric Holder called the President to express his joy for holding up the Arizona immigration law. They both chuckled as the President commented that the cracker governor of Arizona is probably spitting nails right now. They spoke freely since they were using secured phones that were non-tapped and non-government. They confirmed that everything was in place to block this law until he used the nuclear option. That meant at the right time he would execute his immigration executive order granting amnesty to millions of illegal’s that are now in the country.
Like the Blago case in Chicago it didn’t take much arm twisting to get Democrat appointed judges to do what the White House wanted. It took all of the guessing out of these big decisions so the President could move on down the road with his agenda. But there was one problem about this decision, one fundamental problem, and that was that the vast majority of the American people wanted the law enforced and that didn’t square politically.
The President and his far left operatives knew that for every new immigrant voter there was an average multiplier of five to one at the voting booths on Election Day, meaning that non-profits such as Acorn types could pay them to vote five, six and even seven times in one election. These operatives now with plenty of stimulus money could bus these bogus voters around all day for $100 cash while they destroyed the integrity of the American electoral process. No matter how you cut it the vast majority of American voters were about to get the shaft with the potential of a Chicago-like election machine now extended to the Federal level which would insure successful elections for the Left forever.
U.S. District Judge Susan Bolton, the Arizona Federal Judge that put the temporary stop to the immigration law was now getting some pretty threatening phone calls and emails. This was no surprise to most since the country had now had it with this President and his lack of concern for the well being of U.S. citizens living near the border.
Back in Washington the President phoned Rahm to see how he was doing over at the hospital, and caught him while checking out. With a bandaged forehead, where he received five stitches above his right eye, he proceeded to talk while signing his exit papers. The doctors had held him overnight because of their concern with his high blood pressure and occasional moments of delusion. It seemed that he kept jumping off his hospital bed and hiding under it while shouting snipers, snipers. They seemed to think that the bump he received from hitting his windshield had triggered some inner anxieties that puzzled the team of doctors. When he was admitted they had actually considered Thorazine for this now emotionally troubled midget, but decided to hold off and keep him overnight for observation.
Rahm’s concern now was getting out of the hospital and dodging those snipers on the rooftops around the hospital. The President could tell that Rahm was distant with his speech and was almost incoherent until there was a click as the President wondered why Rahm had cut him off in a middle of one his comments, as the 544th day of the Obama Presidency thought, you can’t do that, I’m the President of the United States!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

12:33 P.M. Tuesday July 27th 2010 - Obama - Tipper Gore Payoff


“He’s a whore, a God damned whore,” Tipper barked over the telephone to her lawyer. “Yes, he sure is and these new alleged affairs just make it easier for us, Tipper,” Wayne said right back at her. It appeared that her now infamous and soon to be ex-husband, former Vice President Al Gore was on everybody’s shit list. The property settlement was massive and Wayne’s huge gamble with the Obama Administration could net Tipper close to a billion dollars of which he could collect upwards of $100 million after taxes. It was risky and unethical but the numbers were too big to pass up. It was Wayne’s idea to blackmail the Administration over Al’s greenhouse gas hoax. Normally, Wayne was pretty ethical compared to most lawyers. He represented some pretty high powered clients in the music business in Nashville and he always tried to keep his reputation squeaky clean, but when Tipper walked him through three hours of admissible evidence, proving the climate idea was a hoax, he just couldn’t resist the opportunity of a lifetime. He knew if he pulled this off it would be a lifestyle changer.
He finished his $950 phone call with Tipper and quickly phoned Washington to follow up on his last conversation with the Administration’s point man. After thirty minutes of stalling, Wayne realized that this was not going to be easy. It looked as though Obama and the leadership were going to give him a hard time getting the money. He thought of reducing his offer, but that would come off as looking weak, so he bit his lip and hung up.
Wayne walked out of his three story office building with his name on it and headed over to his two year old red Ferrari F430. He loved driving this car. Prior to his F430 he had an F360 which didn’t quite rock his world like this baby. He slipped into it and set those pistons roaring as he tore out of the parking lot with the tuned exhaust roaring. As he headed down a deserted highway 202, two black SUV’s pulled up behind him and with one volley of gunfire ruined Wayne’s day. He swerved but it didn’t help. The shots just missed his head and shattered his windshield and with the top down glass flew everywhere. He was now hitting 100 mph with no windshield and a bunch of killer’s right on his ass.
Luckily for Wayne, an off-duty cop had just pulled onto the highway and was now in pursuit. The two SUV’s pulled off in different directions as the cop came after Wayne at breakneck speed. He pulled Wayne over after about a mile of chasing and proceeded to give him three tickets for speeding, broken windshield and resisting arrest.
Meanwhile back in a lonely hospital room in Washington D.C. Rahm finished up his phone conversation with the four retired Chicago cops who missed ol’ Wayne shouting, “ I don’t care what you do, just get him,” as the 543rd day of the Obama Presidency rang for more pain killers.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

11:46 A.M. Monday July 26th 2010 - Obama - Attack of the Joint Chiefs

The Defense Department along with the White House released its official response to the Internet posting of the so called Afghan War Diary. The condemnations mirrored each other with deliberate concern of far reaching implications. After Internet bloggers and think tanks examined the military reports, most came away with proof that both the Bush and Obama administrations' acknowledgment that Pakistan and Afghanistan were corrupt cesspools that worked both sides of the fence. Their collusion with the enemy was a known fact by our Generals and fighting forces on the ground. Yet, we continued to work with them in an effort to “nation build.” The big question now was why?
The President’s headache continued to balloon as he read more of the review of the infamous Diary. As he read on he realized how this could destroy what was left of his left wing support. His supporters had been saying all along to get out now from day one, but the Joint Chiefs' strong arming stopped him. He knew that the Chiefs could destroy what was left of his Presidency with one of many hidden skeletons from his closet, so he let them play their war games at his political expense.
It was now obvious to him that Soros was not concerned with his political fallout and continued on with the demolishing of American integrity around the world. Soros knew that by neutralizing the effectiveness of the U.S. Military he could destroy the one last pillar holding up the American Empire. The President had conveniently called off several FBI probes into Soros’s nonprofits like MoveOn.org. Of course, the U.S. Military along with the CIA knew of Soros’s operations and were watching his every move in spite of the President’s efforts. Panetta who headed up the intelligence agency nixed an idea of eliminating him last year. He understood the Soros threat but his closeness to the President stopped any action for fear of a Presidential backlash. Anyway, Panetta was building up his own file on the leader of the free world and it was getting thick.
Still, parts of D.C. were without electricity and the heat was becoming unbearable. Rahm at home was starting to sweat profusely as he put the phone down. He almost missed the receiver as his eyes began to glaze over. It was Lap Dance and he wanted a meeting. The call he dreaded had finally come. Rahm, typically a man of action, was now reduced to a near fetal position in his home office. One of his Secret Service men rushed in to see what had happened, noticing his zombie like stare. He thought to himself, I’ve got to snap out of this. I can’t let on to them what just happened. Any knowledge of this connection could risk the Presidency. He thought now even this shadow person had the goods on the President with his contrived setup of a hooker in Vegas two weeks ago. Damn he said to himself the shit is piling up and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. He wondered if he could take another two and half years of this.
Rahm jumped into his SUV after calling off his body detail and headed down the road of his high end suburban neighborhood at breakneck speed to meet Lap Dance. Unfortunately, he forgot to buckle up his seat belt which was why his head hit the windshield after forgetting that there was a stop sign at the end of his street. The impact of his SUV hitting the 12 inch thick maple tree after swerving and missing two kids on bicycles was devastating as the 542nd day of the Obama Presidency headed for the ER.

Monday, July 26, 2010

5:15 P.M. Sunday July 25th 2010 - Obama - George Soros - Love Letters

Most of D.C. had lost its power from several heavy thunderstorms, and the hot humid city was now without electricity to cool its frazzled nerves as the full moon pulled ever so tighly on its occupants. The White House of course had its own separate support system and was operating normally, but the city of Washington D.C. thought collectively, what next? Well, next had just occurred fifteen minutes earlier at 5:00 P.M. EST. The President was informed by his weasel-like assistant Valerie Jarrett that something had happened and he must address it now. She explained and showed him on the Internet of the release of over 91,000 reports that originated from the Defense Department. These documents showed the day-to-day policy and military decisions that were made during the Afghan War from 2004 to 2010. The website was run by Julian Assange a shady character from Australia that seemed to have no real place he called home, sort of a virtual figure living between the electrons of the Internet. As the President looked through some of the information listed on the website WikiLeaks, he thought he needed to speak to his handlers now.
The President knew this was going to be a big deal tomorrow and he definitely needed to distances himself from it. He phoned his handlers who by now had obviously become inpatient with him and his stall tactics. It was clear to him that this release was a wakeup call and that he better get with the program or more information would be released. He knew that Bradley Manning was the source of these documents and that he was just one of many of George Soros’s hired assassins. He felt Soros’s hatred for America ran so deep he was capable of anything and it showed. The President knew ever since he had moderated his game plan, he had been getting nonstop flack from them.
His handlers wanted the U.N. out of the Middle East and that included the United States. That was the deal, pull out or else. But what the handlers didn’t realize was that the U.S. Military ran the wars, not the President, and they just don’t stop when a new President is elected. OPERATION: ALICE IN WONDERLAND had been in effect since President Ronald Reagan who authored the plan. It was Reagan’s long term plan for the Middle East and the containment of Iran. What many in the media and just about everyone on the left never could understand was that every war fought since 1980 was directed at the isolation of Iran. Reagan knew the evils of radical Islam and the need to fight it over there, rather than on our homeland, where our own Constitution and Bill of Rights would get in the way. But this President and his handlers were here to unravel all of that as the 541st day of the Obama Presidency looked out over the blackened city of Washington D.C.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

11:03 A.M. Saturday July 24th 2010 - Obama - The Prayer Rugs


Captain Shelanski of the U.S.S. Harry Truman, now parked off the Southern coast of Iran with forty-three support and attack ships, went below to reexamine his updated orders. He flipped through the combination of his safe, opened it and pulled out a folder marked OPERATION: ALICE IN WONDERLAND. As he reread his orders, he looked for subtleties within them. He was of razor sharp intellect and he knew that an operation such as this had massive international implications. Understanding the thinking of the Joint Chiefs was critical for the success of the mission and his ability to make decisions that weren’t in the orders. He knew that when the battle started, many unpredictable things could and would happen and he needed to mirror the Chiefs policies flawlessly. He knew a perfect war or battle never happens, so being prepared for the unexpected and making the right decision while outside of the box was critical in staying within policy thinking.
He developed this ability for recognizing subtleties in writing from his lawyer father who explained to him how important every word can be. As his father said so many times, one word can change an entire message. This was the third time visiting his orders and that wasn’t normal. Something was bothering him about these orders and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, thus the rereads. Within the words he could sense a conflict which was highly unusual. Affirmative words were left out and replaced with more vague entries. It was as though someone had altered his orders. He knew orders such as these come right from the top and are reviewed by several clearing departments for policy conflicts. If there were changes made, it had to have been after the reviews. After seventeen years of active duty and five years at Annapolis it was the first time he actually questioned his orders. He knew the mission was correct but again he saw conflicts within that could literally self-destruct the entire mission.
He laid the OPERATION: ALICE IN WONDERLAND folder down on his desk and thought who had the capability to alter these orders?
Back at the Pentagon in D.C. a group of Obama presidential appointees compared notes in a renovated small office that was part of the rebuild from the 9/11 crash of flight 77. After some small talk they unrolled their prayer rugs and began to pray.
Just a few miles away at CIA headquarters Dave Simon finally accessed the mainframe computer with George Preston’s forth laptop. He opened the file named Alice in Wonderland. Dave could now see and track the highly unorthodox paths of George’s implanted rugs on the GPS maps. Africa, Europe, Asia, North America? He thought to himself, these God damn rugs shouldn’t be leaving Africa, why, and most of all, where are they going? As his fingers momentarily trembled, he clicked the zoom button on the North American spots where these now infamous rugs lay. What he saw seemed to drain the blood from his body as he picked up his direct secured line to Secretary Gates as the 540th day of the Obama Presidency had no idea.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

3:32 A.M. Friday July 23rd 2010 - Obama - Winston Churchill's Revenge


The emergency buzzer rang next to the President’s bed alerting him that something was up and his night crew needed to speak to him. This had happened only a few times since he took office and he hated it. He was the kind of person who when awoken, could never get back to sleep and God help anyone who crossed him the next day. After 45 minutes downstairs in the operations office with four of his security people and Holder on a conference call from England’s Prime Minister Cameron, he had just experienced a Royal shafting. A shafting can come in many forms but a royal shafting was special. The newly elected P.M. it seems had found out about the little undersea operation that went on in the Gulf of Mexico and he had the President in his sights. God damn, he thought, now he knows about the Soros-Iranian demolition operation that took down the Deepwater Horizon, along with the CIA and God knows who else. Then beads of sweat started accumulating on his forehead as the fear of even the right-winger Andrew Breitbart knowing. Now, that was fear that kept him up the rest of the morning.
The now beady eyed colorless President attacked Friday’s wall to wall meetings in the Oval Office with about as much enthusiasm as Bill Clinton after one of Monica’s blow jobs. His ears buzzed from lack of sleep and he had the damndest time concentrating. All he could think of was the Prime Minister’s comments about BP’s new position on retribution for the oil spill. It looked as though the thuggery that went on in the Oval office a couple weeks ago, that sealed a $20 billion slush fund for damages between the President and BP was off. It was obvious that the English people were now supportive of BP’s position. The President thought to himself, maybe I shouldn’t have returned that God damn bust of Churchill. It was clear that England’s main energy provider was not going to fall into the hands of this President and that really pissed him off.
It was now 3:40 and the five hours sleep he had over the last forty hours was not enough as he really started to lose it. His Friday meetings were now finished and he frankly couldn’t remember half of them.
This whole Sherrod firing was now officially out of control, with his administration looking like incompetent fools, again. The Right was taking a bit of a hit also but it was mostly directed at him. Sherrod was now working this thing like a winning lotto ticket and the peripheral legal community speculated that she could fleece the U.S. government and the media for at least $15 million before it was all over. She was not averse to this type of situation since she had already won a similar settlement many years ago.
The President was now alone behind his desk in the Oval Office. It was quiet with only the sound of a three hundred year old clock ticking in the background. His eyelids were now at half-mast as he perused the room from side to side. He knew he was about to nod off but he didn’t care. Sleep was all he could think about as his eyelids finally closed with great satisfaction. Then it came like a blaring siren splitting the so quiet air of the Oval Office. The sound that every husband feared from the beginning of time, his mother-in-law's shrieking voice, “Barry, Barry, where you? you here?” as he slid under the grand presidential desk in a heap as the 539th day of the Obama Presidency hid in fear?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

2:22 P.M. Thursday July 22nd 2010 - Obama - Al-Qaida Connection




The A440M military transport carrying George Preston’s body and belongings passed over the Capital Beltway just southeast of the White House. As it touched down on the major North South runway of Andrew’s Air Force Base, the flag draped coffin with George's few remains were finally home.
Dave Simon signed for George’s coffin and belongings in a guarded military hanger. Dave picked up George's duffel bag filled with what was left of his life and placed it gently into the trunk of his 5 series BMW. He took the direct route to Langley crossing through the lower part of Washington D.C. and crossing the Potomac. It was an appropriate route since he passed by Arlington National Cemetery where George will be buried. Unfortunately, George’s work was so sensitive the Agency mandated a very private burial.
It was your typical hot humid midsummer’s day in the nation’s capital with a partly cloudy sky threatening rain. Dave turned left off of Custis Memorial Parkway on to North Glebe Road and drove through the C.I.A.’s main security gate.
As Dave opened the duffel bag and pulled out the five laptop computers George used in his work. He could smell the stale Eastern African air emitting from the bag. Dave knew that George hadn't had to stay in the field. He could have had an operations job back here. But George always said, if you’re not close enough to see the enemy you’re not effective.
Dave was George’s boss's boss with a full congressional appointment to boot. On an organizational chart there was a dotted line going from Dave to the Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates. There weren’t too many of those around since 9/11, because of the Homeland Security takeover and they discouraged cross calibrations like his without it going through them first. Dave’s relationship with the Secretary was pretty special since it was up to him to keep the Secretary up to speed on his findings in the Middle East and especially Eastern Africa, which was now the new playground for al-Shabaab a wing of Al-Qaida. Today the U.S., encouraged by Dave’s suggestions to Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton and the Secretary of Defense, sent out travel advisories for Americans to watch their step over there. It seemed that the Eastern theater was about to heat up since George’s death, and that was no coincidence.
Dave knew of George’s findings and that he had uploaded his information to the Agency’s mainframe but because of special encryption George’s files could only be accessed through one of these computers. So, he started working with computer number one as the 538th day of the Obama Presidency had no idea the C.I.A. was on the case.

10:55 A.M. Wednesday July 21st 2010 - Obama - Idiot

“What, Breitbart was wrong, that can’t be,” the President blurted out. “Yes, Mr. President,” Valerie said while Rahm supported her claim. “Holy shit, my God, that means I fired a loyal black-American government employee without cause in front of the entire country, based on a right wing blogger. What the hell’s wrong with me,” as both Rahm and Valerie looked at each other tight-lipped? “What the hell is going on here, Rahm, Valerie?” “Well sir, you did want her fired yesterday, so we did it.” “Listen Valerie I don’t need your happy horseshit, and that see I told you so attitude.” "Sorry sir, but you were so hell bent on firing her with no proof. What did you think was going to happen if you were wrong?”
Rahm, kept looking over his shoulder as he thought, what am I doing here with this half wit that never thinks things through and leaves us to clean up his mess while he goes on vacations and plays another round of golf. Rahm, in his normal smart ass manner commented, “well Barry, should we count this firing as a job created or a job saved?” Hearing that the President flipped his ignore sign on and directed his attention back to Valerie.
“I have an idea Mr. President, let’s blame this on Fox, Glenn Beck and O‘Reilly .” “Good idea Valerie,” the President said. “OK Valerie, you take care of that.” Rahm, was still looking around for snipers as the President asked him to come up with more damage control on the Daily Caller article that now was spreading like wildfire. The Caller also hinted that they had more information and would be slowly releasing it over the coming weeks. The thought of this turning into a weekly series of articles exposing his operatives in the mainstream media left him with a throbbing headache. Rahm thought it would be good if he could get Keith Olbermann over at MSNBC off his vacation to charge Fox and it’s talking heads with racism, again.
Rahm wished he was back in Chicago, since the Blago case was cooling off and the fix was in for the ex-Governor. The heat was also off on most in the White House since no one was called to testify. The damage would have been incalculable if his case had gotten any deeper and Rahm knew they had dodged a bullet as the 537th day of the Obama Presidency kept bobbing and weaving.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

11:54 A.M. Tuesday July 20th 2010 - Obama's Dirty Trick - Which One?


The leader of the free world was clearly outgunned when England’s newly elected Prime Minister, David Cameron visited today. His good-look’s and English genteelism set him far above America’s first black President. The Prime Minister was not at all mesmerized by the new inexperienced President. He quietly was a 180 from where this President was coming from and he had the full support of the English people. Since the President parted company from the rest of the industrial nations at last month’s G-8 meeting by declaring spending would solve the world’s economic woes, Cameron was moving as fast as he could away from him. What most Americans didn’t know was that the PM was here for them. A little fence-mending over the BP oil spill and to discuss a possible investigation in the Lockerbie mastermind release. The President’s meeting went reasonably well with the predicted rough spots, but all in all it was cordial.
Later Valerie, the President’s damage control person, had him cornered in a private office just outside the Oval Office. “Now, sir we have this problem with another one of Andrew Breitbart’s investigations.” “What now, he thought?” She showed him Andrew’s video on the internet of Shirley Sherrod making racial comments at an NAACP meeting a few months ago. He came away thinking she must be fired as soon as possible. Valerie suggested they should wait since it could be incorrect. The President responded, “isn’t this the Breitbart that exposed Acorn?” She replied, “yes, but maybe we should investigate it ourselves, sir.” “And isn’t he the one that revealed Van’s background?” “Yes, sir but if we looked into it ourselves.” He cut her short, “and isn’t he the one that told the world about the New Black Panther Party intimidating voters?” “Yes, but……” The President proclaimed in a raised voice that Valerie rarely heard “I’d say if Breitbart said it, it must be true, right, right, right, now fire her ass” he proclaimed with the voice of 10 czars.
Rahm called the President in the middle of his tirade over Breitbart. Rahm had information that The Daily Caller was about to release information about his silent weapon that most knew was there but nobody could put a finger on. It was The Group of 400, he called it. It was the 400 that helped put him in the White House. A group of mainstream reporters, a term used very loosely, from around the world and professors that orchestrated press releases and false reports that led the American electorate around by the nose going into the 2008 elections. He had writers from the New York Times to the Guardian and Professors from every major University in the world. Their manipulation was flawless and undetectable by the masses as they voted blindly for this total unknown.
Unfortunately, for them and the President, his dirty trick was about to be exposed at 12:01 A.M. Wednesday morning by the Caller and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it as the 536th day of the Obama Presidency wondered how they knew.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

10:40 A.M. Monday July 19th 2010 - Obama - Everybody Could Go To Jail

The President may not known how to create a job, nor an economic boom, but he sure could play a race card. It was Monday morning and everywhere in the media you could hear and see the NAACP’s condemnation of the Tea Party and he loved every bit of it. Even conservative radio and TV shows headlined the issue. His little plan of distracting the Tea Baggers from their agenda was working. They were now even forcing themselves to sign their own petitions claiming they weren’t racists. It showed the President that the age old race card still worked on the easily manipulated majority. It also told him that the Tea Baggers lacked the balls to do anything dramatic since they now showed how unorganized they really were. They now were too busy reexamining each other for racist tendencies. He laughed to himself thinking, if they only knew, it was because of people like them, he was sitting in the White House. The unorganized, guilt ridden, simple minded, white people of America, he chuckled.
Rahm had been in hiding for the past week since his run-in with Stripper's assassination. He was finally on track and functioning with only an occasional nightmare of Stripper's head exploding in his face. But, he still didn’t have the courage to let loose of the double detail of Secret Service men who now watched his every move.
He strolled into the Oval Office with news that the President's Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan would be confirmed and Robert Byrd’s replacement, Carte Goodwin would be on board to cast the 60th vote to pass his unemployment extension bill. It wasn’t even noon and it seemed all was well in the President's world until he received a call while Rahm sat and listened. As he covered the phone the President said, “It’s a good thing you’re here, this is about Blago’s trial in Chicago.” Rahm got a claustrophobic feeling as the President went on with his conversation. It appeared that the Ex-Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich could take the stand in the selling of the President's Senatorial seat on Wednesday. Rod and this case made everyone in the White House very nervous because of the far reaching ramifications if he were to talk, really talk. Blago knew too much about the President and for that matter everyone that was now on the President's staff that came from Chicago, not to mention some in his cabinet and most of his czars. That’s a lot of people he could blow the whistle on if he wanted to. Many have said he would already be dead if it wasn’t for his high profile. Already, there were a half dozen suspicious deaths that have occurred back in the President's home state that could be linked to his corrupt political machine.
The President ended the conversation and motioned Rahm to get closer. “Listen, Rod knows we've got him covered, right,” the President said? “Yes, I personally spoke to him when I was in Chicago last week. He knows he gets a pardon if this thing goes bad for him.” “Good, than he says nothing, right. There’s no drama, right? If anything gets out on the offer or the cover-up, we’re cooked, you know?” “Yes, sir, Rahm replied as the closing-in feeling increased. Rahm and the President knew Blago was a drama queen and was capable of just that, drama, big drama. They knew Rod had felt cheated that everybody was now in D.C. and he was facing 10 to 20 in a federal penitentiary with no time off for good behavior. They also knew his hot little spinner wife would end up leaving him with the kids and he’d be left to rot in some forgotten corner of Obama’s history.
They both knew Rod Blagojevich, as they now looked at each other with worried looks on their faces as the 535th day of the Obama Presidency was unsure.

Monday, July 19, 2010

3:44 P.M. Sunday July 18th 2010 – Obama – General Petraeus is Running For President

It was Sunday afternoon and the President was so glad to be back in the White House. His Bush-like vacation on the tawny coast of Maine was boring, confusing and uneventful. Many wondered why Maine and why now? Many of his advisers suggested the Gulf coast but the mere thought of going back down there again made him crazy. Nevertheless, he went, he saw and he spilled beer.
Valerie Jarrett walked into the Oval Office and sheepishly put in front of him a copy of a 16 page article authored by Angelo M. Codevilla a professor of international relations at Boston University and Vice Chairman of the U.S. Army War College Board. “All right, what am I supposed to do with this?” “Well, sir, you can read it or I can summarize.” “Summarize, please, I really don’t have time for this bullshit, I’m still recovering from that mistake-of-a-trip to Maine.” “Sir, this article will be released at 12:01 Monday morning and it just could redefine the U.S. political landscape. The November midterm elections are in jeopardy if we let this one get away from us.” “Should I read it,” he said? “I think, if you have time you should, but here it is in a nutshell. Codevilla has cleverly divided the country between “the ruling class” a minority and “the country people” the vast majority. He has with several strokes of a pen defined what’s going on in America. It’s in plain language that even a Tea Bagger would understand. We should have seen this coming, but now that it’s here we need to address it, of course with your approval sir.” “Yes, I don’t need some smart-ass military type setting the ground rules.”
The President thought to himself that Petraeus was at the bottom of this and that he was setting him up like a clay pigeon for a 2012 defeat with a “the ruling class” campaign slogan. President Obama began to lament about how much effort it took to get here and how much more it took to stay.
The President reviewed his attack statements against the Republicans for tomorrow. Passing the unemployment extension bill would point out how much he cared, he thought, but in reality more voters would perceive his efforts as more government spending and more importantly additional taxes. Many of the hidden taxes and expensive record keeping for the private sector, that were buried in the Health Care Bill, are now leaking into the mainstream media. This was bad and he was fighting an uphill battle because of it.
More importantly, the news of his administration's recognition of the penalty for not having health insurance as a tax would be huge for the other side. He had promised no new taxes and there you had it, more new taxes. With just over 100 days left before the midterm elections things are not looking good for the President as the 534th day of the Obama Presidency ruled on.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

7:15 A.M. Saturday July 17th 2010 – Obama – Swiss Bank Accounts


“Yes Reid, thanks for taking care of the two accounts over there. Now, let me see if I have this right, two accounts, one for me and one for the boss. OK, my account is 9483739 with code name of Soul Train and the boss’s account is 8646834 with code name of Jive Turkey. That’s $5 million in mine and $8 million in his, right?” The Attorney General’s secured phone call from Switzerland was short but sweet as Roman Polanski’s attorney responded, “Yes, that’s correct.” Reid Weingarten an old friend of the AG conveniently arranged to have Polanski’s files waylaid so as to assure Roman’s release from prison for child molestation and flight from a criminal conviction. Roman had money but not Steve Jobs's money, so Holder took the lower amount since it was tax free and sitting in coded bank accounts in Switzerland.
It was mid morning when the President hopped into the 40 foot boat for a short round of Bar Harbor. He had wished it was a round of golf instead, but since his staff has stopped him from any further public golf outings, the water tour would have to do. It was nice, but his thoughts were somewhere else. He looked at his wonderful daughters and Michelle. He wondered if Eric had taken care of the Swiss situation and he'd gotten the amount he wanted. Its one thing to hose a corporation or an estate for more taxes but another when every dime comes to you tax free. Now that’s power, he thought.
His little tour continued for an hour as everyone began getting seasick including the Secret Service. Luckily the first family escaped any embarrassing situations as they quickly returned to the pier.
He was having a hard time relaxing on his now millionth vacation. BP was on his mind and it wasn’t about the oil spill. It was about the BP, Libya oil-gas deal and the release of the Lockerbie mastermind arrangement. Since the tide had turned on BP with its oil spill in the Gulf, it could file for bankruptcy or worse, and the secret of that oil-gas deal could be leaked making his Administration look like fools, again. It was rumored at the time that the President struck a deal to have al-Megrahi released for the favorable BP exploration deal in Libya, but no one could prove it. For an American President to release a convicted terrorist who killed almost 200 U.S. citizens for an oil-gas deal for a foreign corporation, no less, would be pretty hard for most Americans to swallow. That secret was now being used by BP with nothing to lose on a President that had everything to lose as the 533rd day of the Obama Presidency wanted to go home.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

9:45 A.M. Friday July 16th 2010 – Obama – Attack of the Maine Lobster

President Obama thought, since he was leaving D.C. for an extended vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine, things would calm down a bit. He added another feather to his somewhat embattled cap with the passage of the new Banking Bill from the Senate that supposedly would prevent a recurrence of the situation the country was in right now. Of course, it wouldn’t and he knew it. He knew the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac slush fund problem would continue to be the bottomless pit that would drain the American taxpayers and most in the Democrat party politically. The banking industry would continue business as usual with another crisis just a matter of when rather than if.
The first family happily scurried off to Andrews Air Force Base from the South Lawn of the White House after the Presidents Rose Garden speech and a few questions from the press. The two hour flight went quickly, but while in flight the President was told that the number of his golf outings had been released and he was getting a ton of backlash from most sectors. Forty-one rounds of golf in 18 months worked out to just under 2 rounds of golf a week. His advisors had warned him about this earlier, and the consequence of a poor perception by ten million unemployed. They had warned him of the “let them eat cake” message that could hurt his reelection try, and the midterm elections. Needless to say this warning that jeopardized ten million votes was ignored by this inexperienced young President. He kept ruling as though there would be no more elections and some political experts were starting to become very concerned with this development. What went through their collective minds was, why? The loss of almost two work days a week for golf and most weekends off was now sending the very obvious message to the American people, this President was your typical government employee who was interested in only the perks of the job, rather than solving the looming economic and security issues of the country. The word dithering, which was so eloquently used to describe the President over a year ago by former Vice President Cheney, was becoming more prevalent in describing the President's style of management, if you could even call it managing.
Five hours later the First Family sat down for an honest-to-goodness Maine lobster dinner with all the fixings. Everyone around the table was relieved to be out of Washington and away from all of the interruptions and problems of state. As the President cracked into his first claw, which he loved the best, a shot of lemon juice squirted directly into his left eye which caused a chain reaction of an elbow movement that knocked over his beer, that sprayed over half the occupants to his left as the 532nd day of the Obama Presidency cracked on.

Friday, July 16, 2010

11:02 A.M. Thursday July 15th 2010 - Obama Bagman


He sat back in the luxurious private office on Air Force 1 after getting off the phone with Eric Holder, his AG, thinking wow half billion here and half billion there, after awhile we’re talking real money. The President was quite pleased with himself for accepting the Goldman Sachs offer of just that, a half billion dollars for the trumped up trading case brought against them several months ago. He knew it was extortion at its best as he now thought of himself as the greatest bag man that ever lived. With the Steinbrenner tax fraud investigation moving along nicely he could count on another $750 million in the coffers or a settlement and even some nice campaign contributions. All he’d have to do is call off the dogs. No matter, he thought, as long as I'm breaking the backs of these fucking white rich people who’ve been oppressing my “peoples” for hundreds of years, I’ll “Keep on keepin on.”
He glanced out over the farmland of western Maryland on his way back from opening up another auto battery plant, this time in western Michigan. He realized it was all bullshit and that the cost per employee was unsustainable, but he figured it got the environmentalists off his ass and he could say he’s creating private sector jobs to the mindless independent voters.
The President was just tickled pink over the next bit of news from the Gulf. The oil flow had stopped and he rejoiced with a “Yeah Man.” Now he could put that nightmare behind him as AF-1 touched down in D.C. He knew the Right would hound him on it, but he figured he could handle it. But what the public and even his administration didn’t know was that he hated the old South and their history of slavery and its lingering bigotry. If he could send them all back to the Stone Age he would. He knew that this oil spill and offshore oil drilling moratorium would help send them on their way.
His next target was Steve Jobs, the owner of Apple, Inc. the most successful electronics company in the world, and he was ripe for picking. He knew Jobs was worth at least $3 billion to him if he grabbed hard enough. The President already had the media and Holder’s office all over them for the antenna problem on his new iPhone and he could smell iMoney in the water. Even though the President knew that Jobs's real father was an Egyptian Muslim, he still wanted to twist his balls. Holder had suggested that they bring up the old stock options case against Jobs since the statutes weren’t up yet, as the 531st day of the Obama Presidency Chavezed on.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

8:30 A.M. Wednesday July 14th 2010 Obama to Investigate the George Steinbrenner Death

The President was shooting hoops with Arne Duncan his Secretary of Education this morning when Valerie Jarrett interrupted his one on one for some very interesting news. He grabbed a towel and wiped off his sweating head. “OK Valerie what-cha-got for me?” “Mr. President this George Steinbrenner death is troubling.” “What do you mean troubling, he responded?”
“Well sir, my people are telling me that wealthy individuals, mostly Republicans that are close to death or could die if not given medication or medical treatments are scheduling their deaths so that they die before the end of the year. Of course you know they would be taking advantage of the inheritance tax exemption which expires at the end of the year. “What? Those white honkies are doing an end-run around my redistribution program?” “It appears so sir. I also have specific information that indicates that George Steinbrenner stopped taking his heart medication so as to die from a heart attack this year, thus saving his family over a half billion dollars in taxes.” “OK, contact Tim at the Treasury and tell him I want a criminal investigation on the Steinbrenner estate. If he conspired to die before January first I’ll throw his fucking corpse in jail along with his casket and flowers. We want to make an example of George, after all he should have gone to jail decades ago for funneling illegal campaign funds to Nixon. Now there was a criminal. His Presidential pardon was bullshit and this time I’m going to get him, even if he is dead. We’ll just take all of it. With penalties and interest we could get most of that estate.” “Very good Mr. President, I’ll get right on it now, sir.”
The President felt good knowing that he made a billion dollars and it wasn’t even noon yet. He felt powerful, which was a feeling that was becoming more and more infrequent as the 530th day of the Obama Presidency pillaged on.

12:10 P.M. Tuesday July 13th 2010 – Obama and His Court Jester


After spending two hours in meetings with his Vice President the President remembered the great pressure put upon him to select this complete idiot as his running mate. Now, he was forced to work with him for another two and a half years and the mere thought of it made him nauseous. Working with Biden was like working with a blue collar worker who just never quite got it. He was doing what he was doing, because he was just that, an idiot, the President thought.
Now, he had to spend a tortuous lunch with him and wondered how he was going to keep from blowing his stack. He knew with no cigarettes around this could be a nerve racking experience. The working lunch was cover for an additional briefing of arrangements involving a “what if” scenario. The President was getting more death threats lately and he wanted the Vice President to be up on some additional developments that would be important in case anything happened.
After the appetizer plates were removed Joe belched with satisfaction and the aroma of it carried across the table and hit the President smack in the face. Joe sheepishly grinned while the President had to fight off the smell of raw onions that had now penetrated his nostrils. He looked across at his court jester and decided, fuck him, fuck the country. I don’t care what they do if I’m bumped off, fuck them all, I can’t take any more of this. With that he cut his lunch short and announced that he was late for his meeting with Defense Secretary Gates and said he had to run.
He was early of course to his meeting with Gates, but Gates was always early so the meeting started as soon as he arrived back in the Oval Office. Gates was coy as the President asked a hundred questions about the Iranian Operation which was code named Alice in Wonderland. Gates was smart enough to realize that too much information was dangerous for this President. He had his people do a proper background check on him while he was running for President and by the time he hit the White House he had enough information to send him away for the rest of his life. Gates had learned from the pro, J. Edgar Hoover that without information you had no power. In his own subtle way he let the young smartass President know he knew about his past and his handlers. He wasn’t specific with the leader but he got the message. General Petraeus was also on board with this information so the President had to let the military continue with their regional efforts to isolate and contain Iran.
The President, after asking questions for forty-five minutes with very few answers from Gates gave up as the 529th day of the Obama Presidency scheduled a half round of golf.

Monday, July 12, 2010

9:00 A.M. Monday July 12th 2010 – Hillary Clinton Has the President by the Balls - Ouch

The U.S. Ambassador to Uganda pulled back the sheet covering the corpse of CIA agent George Preston. He knew George and liked him. “Yes, that’s him” he sadly said to the local official. Another casualty of this dirty fucked up religious war, when will it ever end, probably never, he thought? He knew that as long as the third branch of the children of Abraham continued to be unhappy with their lot, this mess would continue. The Ambassador knew of Georges findings but didn’t have the specifics, which were to have been relayed to him after Georges meeting last night. He was now at a dead end literally and figuratively.
Back in Washington the President received more details on the Uganda twin bombings. He was briefed on three other terrorist acts which didn’t and wouldn’t hit the news. He remarked to himself how much doesn’t get out to the people.
Later on in the morning David Axelrod met with the President and revealed some disturbing news about Hillary Clinton his Secretary of State. Axelrod understood that Hillary and her people were instrumental in resurrecting an old documentary on the 2008 DNC high jacking of her Presidential run and laying the blame on the President. That didn’t go down well with him. He thought what the hell is she up too? Axelrod being the political strategist voiced his opinion that she was out to undermine his run for President in 2012. The President knew that he would have to really fuck up to lose the party’s nomination. If the President lost his party it would be the ultimate shock to his fragile ego and he knew it. Valerie was included in this meeting. She of the three had the most devious of minds and after a moment’s thought came up with a scenario that really set the other two on their asses with amazement. Valerie proceeded to weave a believable tapestry of the Presidents defeat in 2012 with Hillary simply running as an independent for President. She could pull half of his voters away from him just like Ross Perot did in the Bush-Clinton election of the early ‘90s and laugh all the way to the bank with millions in campaign contributions. It would be a final farewell shot at him for stealing her Presidential run in 2008. Valerie said “she would be checkmating you, leaving you with only 6 months before you’d be a lame-duck President. The Republicans would win the White House in 2012 with a Republican congress that would repeal everything you’ve done.
The President now realized that he was shit on a stick with Hillary Clinton now in control of his political future as the 528th day of the Obama Presidency freaked out.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

3:12 P.M. Sunday July 11th 2010 – Obama – Al-Qaida on the Move

Half a world away from Washington D.C. in Uganda, George Preston, an aging CIA field agent sat at an outdoor bar and restaurant. He was spending a few days in the capital city of Kampala after being in the desert gathering information on Al-Qaida. For the last 6 months his job had been to coordinate Al-Qaida’s movement and messaging in the region. While doing that, he came across some interesting patterns. Bizarre actually, would be a better word to describe the patterns.
It was late, nearly 10:00 P.M. and he was scheduled to meet his next in command to discuss what he found. George was cautiously excited knowing that once he relayed the information, God knew how it would be interpreted or handled. Knowing of the recent change in political winds in D.C. he was skeptical about just about everything these days. George had been around the block a few times and knew priorities change when new administrations take over and this one by far was no different.
George was a smart guy and operated pretty much on his own without central command direction. George delivered the goods and that’s all the big guys wanted. He always knew that his work and information was valuable, so he always backed up everything he found on Langley’s mainframe computers under the file name of Alice in Wonderland. George reveled in the rough and tumble field work that guys half his age couldn’t handle and he liked to show them up whenever he could.
George developed a system on his own of following the bad guys by GPS. He knew the one thing that made all Muslims the same was that they prayed several times a day and they prided themselves on the prayer rug they owned. That prayer rug went with them everywhere and George knew it. By cleverly using micro battery-operated signaling devices, detectable by our satellites and inserted them into these rugs, he could track them on his computer. He left them where he knew Al-Qaida would be and always left nice rugs so it would be hard for them to resist lifting them.
The patterns that George was interested in was the tracking of these rugs and were and when they would move.
George ordered a beer while he waited. The night was warm and humid but a breeze kept it tolerable. It was late but many people were milling around the square which was right across the street. A delivery truck pulled up just south of his table. He saw it park and then continued watching a beautiful long-legged African women leaning against a wall near a closed store across the street.
Something was wrong George thought. It didn’t dawn on him right away, but the delivery man didn’t exit his truck. When George realized what was happening, he glanced back at the truck as the impact of the explosion tore at everything within a half block radius, including an aging CIA field agent.
Back in Washington the President was brushing up on his upcoming weekly schedule when he was told of a double bombing in Uganda. He was also informed that an American was killed, but details were still sketchy. He didn’t seem concerned as the 527th day of the Obama Presidency indifferently moved on.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

11:11 A.M. Saturday July 10th 2010 – Obama – The New Black Panther Party


Malik Zulu Shabazz, national chairman of the radical New Black Panther Party, sat down opposite the President with a smile on his face. He knew very soon his 501(c)(3) non-profit organization would be receiving hundreds of millions of dollars for community outreach work in 10 of America’s largest metropolitan areas. “Well, Malik what do you think?” “Very nice Mr. President, I particularly like that big flat screen TV.” Thanks, we’ve had some problems with it but it’s fine now.” The President didn’t have the heart to go into his tantrum, so he moved on to more important things. “Listen Malik we have some important work to do this summer and fall. Are you up to it?” “Yes, Mr. President we’ll do whatever you say.” “OK good, you’ll be given instructions from people who you know. I want you to know how much we appreciate your efforts and we expect a successful outcome.” “You can count on us sir.” The President walked Malik to the rear of the White House which was the same route he escorted the Dali Lama last year. It was the exit by the garbage cans. The President knew that if this meeting was made public way too many questions would be asked.
Malik felt good knowing the President of the United States was giving a green light to the plan and a free get out of jail card. With the help of the Attorney General’s office the fix was in. This meant no charges or convictions for disrupting voting areas during the November midterm elections. Later on in the day Malik was contacted and given more instructions that were to be put into effect now. His instructions were, with the help of black activists around the country to amplify the image of the Panthers. Since membership was still small it was important to make every event count. The more outrageous the better it would be, as the press was told to run it over and over again. He would be required to recruit from high schools, colleges and tech schools. Now he had money to pay his members. That made all the difference in the world and he knew the Panther ranks would swell with unemployment in the black community now at 30%. He knew it would only take a few weeks to get enough black youths who wanted to be a part of the movement. The President and Malik knew that the older white generation would associate them with the old Black Panthers who became very violent and operated more like Marxists in ghetto areas in American cities of the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. They knew that with every bazaar occurrence the possibility of a Tea Party confrontation was possible and that was the goal. The groundwork for setting up the ultimate photo op was now being laid with a final goal of Tea Party members fighting with Black Panthers in the streets. Then the President and his leftist government could label the Tea Party as racists and bigots. This would turn voters that are on the fence to sway away from Tea Party candidates. But the grand slam would be if rioting started from one of these incidents. Then he could declare martial law and confiscate guns of entire cities.
The plan was good and the chances of it working were up there in the 85 percentile. Now, all the President had to do was to wait as the 526th day of the Obama Presidency stalked on.

Friday, July 9, 2010

9:12 A.M. Friday July 9th 2010 - Obama - The Vegas Lap Dance

While the President spent most of his day in Nevada campaigning for the soon to be unemployed majority leader of the Senate, Harry Reid, he thought about last night, late last night, and how wonderful it was. Vegas was a bad town and he realized just how bad after last night’s very private late night performance in his suite. He knew he was playing with fire but what the hell he thought, I’m President of the United States and ruler of the mightiest country in the world, why not partake in a little Presidential tradition?
It took him a little time to get rolling today as his schedule was jammed with fundraisers for Harry and a final return flight home. In between Bar-B-Q’s he received an unusual phone call on his private secured Blackberry. He was quite surprised that somebody unknown to him had the number. The man on the other end announced himself as a friend of Stripper. He called himself Lap Dance and he had a message for the President who wasn’t quite ready for it. The President thought to himself, being from the outside, now in the middle of the inside, why these guys loved to come up with code names that gave you a hard on. As soon as he mentioned his name, flashbacks of last night popped into his head. The phone gushed with new information about the Deepwater Horizon videos and something else that turned him white with fear.
It appeared that the President’s late night escapade was a set up, arranged by Lap Dance. His name alone should have given him the first clue since last night’s event started with just that, a lap dance.
So, now the President of the United States was being played by a group that knew Rahm, and the CIA had never heard of either of these x-rated operatives. What the hell he thought, what the fuck am I in the middle of as the 525th day of the Obama Presidency got some color back in its face?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

5:22 A.M. Thursday July 8th 2010 - Obama and Big-Breasted Women

The President awoke to an agreement for his Russian spy swap. He felt better knowing that this political and criminal bomb was defused and that many of his supporters would escape resignation and jail time.
He then rushed to make his early morning flight to Kansas City, Missouri. He departed from the South Lawn and arrived at Kansas City International Airport two hours later. In the afternoon, the President moved on to Smith Electric Vehicles, where he toured the facilities and delivered a lackluster speech on the economy to unenthused workers.
Later that day the President campaigned and attended fundraisers for Senate candidate Robin Carnahan who was trailing in the polls.
Later in the afternoon, the President traveled to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, Nevada the city that truly hated him more than any other. He knew he would get flack from the Mayor so he stayed clear of any confrontations. He was only there to support Senator Harry Reid who also was trailing in the polls.
The President was planning a sleepover in Sin City with, of course, no opportunities to use it like most red-blooded-American males would. He knew if he was seen at a slot machine or a strip club it would be over for his supporters and most of all Michelle. After all, how would It look with almost 10% unemployment, an oil leak in the Gulf and a zillion other things that have gone wrong, he was having a gay old time in Vegas with big-breasted women and big money in the crap pit. But he did consider the big-breasted part and wondered how he could get away with it.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Valerie Jarrett senior advisor and assistant to the President, was running the White House like her own little house on the prairie. She was now in the process of forcing out many of the old Bush White House employees with impossible requests. If there ever was a wicked witch of the White House she had definitely arrived in the form of Valerie. Valerie was an old Chicago friend who had so much dirt on the first family she could end his career in a State Street minute. Why else would a truly evil women like her end up in the Obama Administration.
She had a long lunch with some Chicago friends that were visiting and had a few too many adult beverages which set her brain swirling. She came back and decided to visit the Oval Office while the President was away. While walking around the President’s desk she pulled out his chair and plopped her big ass in his seat. The chair had the ability to swing completely around. So off she went spinning at top speed as the office became a blur. She attempted to stop the chair, but the feet from this 4 foot 9 inch witch couldn’t reach the floor as she fell off in a heap. She stood up, wobbled, gazed down at the Presidents clean desk and spit the biggest spit anyone could conjure up. She thought to herself this should be mine, all mine as the 524th day of the Obama Presidency spat on.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

11:12 A.M. Wednesday July 7th 2010 – Obama – Trade Those Spies, Before They Talk


“I don’t care what it takes, get those people out of here as soon as possible,” the President barked over his secured phone line 4. As John Beyrle the American Ambassador to Russia continued his round the clock marathon efforts to do the Presidents rush job of a spy swap, he wondered why so fast?
The weather was grand for Moscow these days, but Ambassador Beyrle could only enjoy it by looking out his bunker-like compound’s quadruple glass windows securing his office in the U.S. Embassy. He had Steven Ward across from him. Steven ran liaison with the CIA and at any given moment knew more about what was going on in Russia than Putin. He knew the old Soviets would have never let that happen, but Steven was good and so were his field agents. “You heard that right?” “Yes John.” “OK, I’ve got the President pissing his pants over this bust in the U.S., now why does he want a swap so fast? I figured if anyone knew, it be you. OK, now give.”
Steven proceeded to unravel a Putin scheme going back to the Soviet days of influencing American Politicians. It wasn’t very successful in the early '90s but took root around the mid to late ‘90s and really took off in the ‘00s The money was flying as this unit of Russian spies influenced many Democrat congressmen. Many inner city members of the House of Representatives were easy pickings. Only two Senators fell for this that we know of and their names have been kept secret. The Senate was a hard branch to crack but other Senators were successfully influenced indirectly. Even security advisers to President Clinton were paid off. As Steven laid it all out for John it became obvious that the President’s Democrat Party was about to be exposed as the party of saboteurs and spies, something most conservatives going back to Reagan felt but couldn’t prove. Bad memories of the McCarthy era always stopped them short of opening up another House Un-American Activities Committee.
“Steven,” as the two huddled close to each other “do you think this President was influenced by these agents?” Steven sat back in his chair signaling that the conversation could be over. The mere fact that one would even think that a sitting President was involved with Russian spies showed how times had changed and indicated the danger the country was in.
The Ambassador now knew why his President was so anxious to get rid of the evidence and it wouldn’t surprise him that these ten 21st century spies would find themselves in an early grave when returned to Mother Russia.
Meanwhile back in Washington the President was getting inundated with phone calls from his leftist congressmen concerned over their possible exposure. He assured them he was doing everything possible to get the ten spies out of the country as soon as possible. The President was now close to losing his cool as he realized he had to be in Michigan to make his education speech to a local high school in two hours.
Back at Dead Fish’s house, Rahm Emanuel’s nickname, he finally decided to exit his home with a train of Secret Service SUV’s following him to McDonald’s for a Big Mac. He knew he was behind in all of his work but felt since he was now risking his life for his country he deserved some R & R. Since Congress was now on its 4th of July break, his ability to get things done was hampered. He needed to contact Nancy Pelosi at her Napa Valley Vineyard but didn’t have the number in his cell phone. He thought, what the fuck, she’s usually in some beauty treatment trying to keep her facial skin off the floor while I’m doing all of her work. I hope she’s enjoying her naked hot tubbing under the star-studded Napa skies, he thought as his Big Mac started coming back up on him.
The President got back from Michigan about 8:35 P.M. and listened to his voice mail from John in Moscow. The news was not good and there would be delays in any spy-swap as the 523rd day of the Obama Presidency unsuccessfully swapped on.

Special Note:

This is a fictitious story based on factual and fictitious events and individuals. It should not be considered factual in any way. We hope you enjoy this daily fictitious tongue-in-cheek story of the Obama Presidency.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

9:11 A.M. Tuesday July 6th 2010 – Obama – More Israeli Bullshit


“Mr. President the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu has arrived. Did you want to greet him outside?” The President thought about the near 100 degree heat and decided this murdering Jew can greet himself. “I’ll meet him in the foyer Steven.” As the President walked down the long hallway that emptied into the grand foyer, he thought of his last public encounter with the Israeli leader. What was missed by most in that last meeting was the President’s indifference towards the leader. The top brass over at the Pentagon pressured the President into working out a strategy over Iran which the President was totally against. Thus the disastrous results that almost lost the President’s entire Jewish vote, Jewish congressional support and non-Jewish Israeli support. It was right up there on a continually growing list of big mistakes by this President.
The two leaders met for 90 minutes and spent an additional 30 minutes in front of photographers. All in all it was mostly a dog and pony show that showed Iran that the alliance was still holding. With war ships now positioning themselves off the southern Iranian coast, the President was finally on board for a joint American-Israeli attack on Iran’s nuclear sites. He was on board but with both arms twisted behind his back.
The President’s strong puppeteers were sending mixed messages on this issue. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. So he dragged his feet as long as possible till he could see a clear path which never materialized. This was all part of the learning curve of this inexperienced President. An experienced leader would have already known there is no clear path when you’re dealing with the Middle East and there are no just answers or solutions to this enigma.
“Mr. President the Queen’s security people are on the line and would like to set up a photo-op with you tomorrow?” What the fuck, can’t I get away from this bitch? It’s like she’s waddling around, following me just to piss me off. I hate her pompous snooty air and those goddamn dogs, Jesus, he thought. “Listen, Susan I have a hundred things going on tomorrow if you can squeeze in 10 minutes OK, but that’s it.” “I’ll see what I can do sir.”
Meanwhile back at Rahm’s house, 5 more secret service men were assigned to him. He got no sleep last night and was starting to see things. When he shaved this morning all he could see in the mirror was Strippers head blowing up. He could hardly hold his coffee as his hand shook most of the coffee out. He was a mess and was scared shitless as his mind spun out of control trying to understand exactly what happened the other day. Rahm tried to get ready for meetings on the Hill but kept buttoning his shirt wrong. His puffy eyes caused him to cut himself two times while shaving and now had toilet paper all over his face. It appeared that the President’s hatchet man had met his match as he cancelled all meetings, popped 3 sleeping pills and went back to bed.
Earlier in the afternoon Eric Holder, the President’s AG filed suit against the state of Arizona, officially starting the battle with the majority of Americans. This President’s unorthodox political approach is now on the verge of being called insane by most as he continues to take the opposite side of every issue that affects the American people. He laughed as he heard the news of the suit and thought to himself, wait till they get-a-load of Executive Order 14,222 coming in October. Now, that’ll really piss them off.
As the President felt the addictive feeling that occasionally engulfed his persona, his father’s genes were starting to work on him like a throbbing cancerous tumor. As he grew older these feelings were becoming more intense and he knew that with his added responsibilities as President it could someday pull him over the edge and into a cesspool his father ended his life in, as the 522nd day of the Obama Presidency insanely blundered.

Monday, July 5, 2010

10:10 A.M. Monday July 5th 2010 – Obama – "We're All In Danger"


The President gazed out at the lush grounds of the White House from the Oval Office. What happened to Rahm yesterday was so disturbing to this young and inexperienced President, he almost called for instructions. Afterward Rahm informed the President he had taken the necessary steps to keep the incident out of the news, but was surprised to find that the CIA had never heard of Stripper.
The President and Rahm now wondered who Stripper was and who assassinated him. Rahm cancelled his trip to Chicago and started working on the biggest problem of his political career. What kept going through Rahm’s mind were Strippers last words, “we’re all in danger.” What did he mean? All of us are in danger, like the country, the President, the government? He followed his gut feeling and went on the basis that he meant everyone. The next logical question was what would be a threat to all of America? Weapons of mass destruction were the only things he could come up with. Now, that left the last and most important question, who, Russia, China, radical Islam?
The Presidential schedule had him so tied up he hardly had time to breathe. He delegated this whole Stripper thing to Rahm, while he proceeded with his agenda of tying up every federal department with his operatives. By inserting his people into key positions throughout the government, he knew at any moment he could shut a department down with bureaucratic indecision. He knew it would be important even after he was gone, but he had no plans of that happening. The handling of the Deepwater Horizon oil leak was his first try at this tactic and it worked flawlessly.
The Attorney General briefed the President on his Afghan trip and the New Black Panther Party issue. Both issues were only the beginning of some big Obama-made crises. The President’s plan for the November elections was to inundate voting sites with intimidating characters. He knew this would lead to recounts and even re-voting where necessary. By delaying the electoral process as long as possible and coupled with AG lawsuits this would keep his people in congress longer.
He also planned his executive order, sometime around October, deeming amnesty to 13 million illegal aliens. He and his handlers knew that the backlash from such an action would rile the right so much there could be blood in the street, thus possibly cancelling the November midterm elections. The President knew timing was everything and it would be dangerous politically and personally if he messed this up.
Meanwhile Vice President BiteMe was dodging mortar fire in the green zone in the heart of Bagdad. He couldn’t wait to get out and his wife was driving him nuts with her constant nagging about not being able to get out in the streets to do some shopping. Little did she realize her life expectancy would only be about 10 minutes if she did venture out.
The hot D.C. night kept the President up late as he strolled the JK Garden smoking another one of his cherished cigarettes. He’s been trying the gum but his press secretary has been all over him for the unflattering bovine shots being spread around the world. Apparently it’s not Presidential to chew gum. Now what the fuck am I going to do, he thought, as the 521st day of the Obama Presidency puffed on?<>

Sunday, July 4, 2010

7:12 A.M.Sunday July 4th 2010 - Obama's Stripper


The President looked over at his wife as the early morning light pierced the first family’s bedroom. He then glanced at the chest of drawers that contained her Voodoo dolls. The President gently nudged her to wake up. She turned and smiled, “Yes honey.” The President sheepishly asked “Michelle, you weren’t fooling around with those dolls again were you?” She responded with “no of course not, I’m a good Christian girl, you know that.” “Well some funny things have been happening and, well I was just wondering.” “Listen honey I stopped doing that years ago, you know that.”
He got up and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the big 4th of July BBQ and a couple of briefings he had scheduled prior to the feast. He remembered the last time he looked into that chest of drawers. He couldn’t forget finding the doll of himself that had pin holes in the crotch from that little thing with Vera Baker back in the early ‘90s. Michelle was quite upset about that little misstep and he hasn’t pissed right since. The President was OK with the whole thing as long as the pins weren’t headed in his doll's direction.
Rahm was getting ready for a quick flight to Chicago to discuss the Blagojevich trial and his involvement in the selling of the President’s Senatorial seat when he got a call from Stripper, his info man on the Deepwater Horizon sinking. Stripper directed Rahm to another vacant parking lot and seemed nervous about the whole thing. Rahm thought that was out of character for this stealthy cool ass spook.
They pulled up next to each other, as they did the last time, and rolled their windows down. Stripper looked rattled and started talking fast, real fast, almost as though his life depended on it. “Listen, Rahm we’re all in danger.” “Who’s in danger, me, the President, who,” Rahm strained? “I found out why the Deepwater Horizon was sunk and who did it, I mean who really did it, and you’ll never guess why, it has nothing to do with oil. It has to do with…..”
Then it happened, the explosion of brain matter and blood all over his face, clothes, everything. The only thing Rahm heard was a sound similar to an object hitting a melon at 2,000 miles per hour. That was it, the head and face he was talking to a second ago was gone, completely gone. Stripper’s car lunged forward since he failed to put the car in park and had his foot on the brake. The car was now headed towards the railing of the 10th floor of this open corporate parking lot. Rahm could hardly see anything for all of the blood in his eyes, but he could hear the smash of the now headless Stripper’s car hitting the barrier and eventually exploding 100 feet below.
"Shit, shit," Rahm kept screaming as he tore off the top floor and headed down the seemingly endless ramp, scraping both sides of his mid-size government car. He finally reached the street level and floored it as he put as much distance as possible between himself and Stripper's now headless and burning body as the 520th day of the Obama Presidency screamed down 95 at 95 miles per hour.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

5:45 P.M. Saturday July 3rd 2010 – Vice President Bite-Me



As Mohammed Oudeh took his last breath today, the planner of the 1972 slaughter of innocent Israeli Olympiads in Munich went to his waiting 72 virgins. In that same year a young Barry Soetoro (Barack Hussein Obama) was facing Mecca and preying 5 times daily in Indonesia. He vaguely remembered the incident, but did remember the celebration by the townspeople afterwards. The President had many benchmarks in his life, that when triggered would send him back to those days engulfed in Islam. As his days in the White House dragged on, his occasional disappearing act was becoming obvious. The more he implied a lack of religious faith the more the White House staff knew what he was up to. Silvia, one of the upstairs housekeepers discovered his prayer rug tucked away behind an older set of golf clubs. He was not praying 5 times a day now, but when he felt stressed he would pull out his rug in the Lincoln bedroom and pray for guidance, followed by a good long cigarette.
Just about the time the President finished up his Saturday morning radio address to the nation, Vice President Bite-Me was touching down in Iraq with his wife. Bite-Me was forced to spend the 4th of July with the troops that loved him so dearly. He was sent there specifically to iron out the elections that were bogged down and to celebrate the 4th with the troops. Earlier in the week when the President met and requested that the Vice President go, the Vice President was astonished, that there even was a 4th of July in Iraq. This new information confused him for several hours as he wandered about the White House grounds trying to remember his name.
Rahm called the President with urgent news. “Mr. President we have a problem that needs your personal attention or direction,” Rahm snidely commented. “What is it,” the President said, as he thought to himself, I hope to hell it’s not the CIA with a subpoena. “Sir one of your biggest supporters and contributors is in trouble and we need to pull some strings.” OK, what is it?” He repeated again. “What do we need to do?” “Well, we need to twist a few arms and make things happen. Can I go ahead with what needs to be done?” “Sure, go for it,” the President said, ”you’ve got a green light on whatever needs to be done, OK.” “OK.”
As the President put the phone down, he thought to himself, who the hell is in that much trouble that the President of the United States needs to step in? He quickly picked up the phone and called Rahm back. “Hey, by the way, who the hell are we helping out?” “You sure you want to know,” Rahm responded? “Yes, tell me, now,” the President said.
As the 519th day of the Obama Presidency bailed on, it realized that it was busting Paris Hilton out of the hoosegow in South Africa for possession of marijuana, OYE!

Friday, July 2, 2010

11:00 A.M. Friday July 2nd 2010 - Obama's Real Fear - Michelle


As the elitist members of the Democrat Party gathered to bury the longest serving racist in the U.S. Senate, Robert Byrd (D), the President was still fuming over his earlier phone call with Jeff Immelt. It seems that Immelt, while on vacation in Italy, made the mistake of disrespecting his handler, Obama, by resurrecting the President's humiliating weekend with the G-8. Immelt made a point of praising Angela Merkel, Germany’s chancellor, for her defense of German industry. Merkel’s efforts are to cut government spending and force the rest of the EU to do likewise. But Immelt didn’t stop there. He went on to say that “we have to become an industrial powerhouse again but you don’t do this when government and entrepreneurs are not in sync.” Immelt was clearly severing his close relationship with Obama with these coarse comments about his leader and his policies. Immelt knew that with the help of the fed and his ability to play the float as a bank GE would survive this downturn with or without Obama. Two years ago though, it was a different story for GE, for it was on the verge of bankruptcy.
Obama thought to himself, as former President Bill Clinton eulogized at the pulpit, he would cut all government contracts from GE as a warning to anyone who stepped out of line. Clinton glanced down at the current President sitting without his wife Michelle, who was back in D.C. sticking more needles into her voodoo doll of Senator Byrd. She pulled no punches when it came to her hatred for Byrd who voted against the Civil Rights Bill and every black that tried to become a Supreme Court Justice. After spending her entire life attending Reverend Wrights church Byrd was one of many on her hit list.
As America’s royalty returned to its den of iniquity, D.C., the President was finally starting to put together the importance of the Russian spy bust that happened earlier in the week. Apart from the fact that these spies attempted to influence government policy, he kept wondering why now? While at 10,000 feet over western Maryland it came to him. It’s about immigration, he screamed to himself. Those son-of-a-bitches are using this bust to illustrate the dangers of legalizing the many unknown aliens already here in the U.S. They’ll use this as another reason for denying a vote for comprehensive immigration reform, amnesty.
Bill Clinton accompanied the President back from West Virginia. The former President was definitely on Obama’s shit list after some of the things he had said earlier in the week. While the two kept the conversation friendly, Bill kept slapping at his neck, as though he was being bit by a bug or something. Time and again in the middle of a sentence Obama could hear the slap of his open hand hitting his neck. It was now getting red with the constant hitting. Barack asked Bill what was wrong with his neck. Bill said, “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m getting this sharp pain in the side of my neck, like a sting. “Maybe you should have a doctor take a look at it when we get back,” the President said, with a further offer to have his staff doctor take a look. “No, I’ll just see how it is tomorrow. We’ve got Chelsea’s wedding this weekend and I've got to be looking good. Your day will come soon enough Barack,” as the former President took another swipe at his neck, this time actually knocking himself out with a surprise to all seated around him. “Quick, Bill just knocked himself out. My God I’ve never seen anything like it,” the President exclaimed in horror. “He hit himself so hard he keeled over like a Kewpie doll.” As the group revived the former President the current President wondered..........
Now, back at the White House, Michelle was feeling better about her day as she placed two Voodoo dolls of Bill Clinton and Robert Byrd in a chest of drawers with the rest of her collection. As she glanced down at the pin's stuck in Byrd’s head and Bill Clinton’s neck she laughed devilishly as the 518th day of the Obama Presidency needled on.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

11:12 A.M. Thursday July 1, 2010 - Obama – Holder – Racists


As the President’s racist tanning bed tax went into effect today, Tipper had to come up with extra money for this week’s session. She still couldn’t quite understand why the President was imposing a special tax on her beauty treatment. Was he really a racist, she thought as she wrote a check for 10% more than last week’s session? Early this morning she got the news that the Portland Police were going after her soon to be ex-husband “crazed sex poodle” Al Gore and she needed to talk with Wayne her attorney.
Wayne had just finished his second cup of coffee and had plopped his new $3,000 Tony Lama’s on the Tennessee Granite topped desk that was placed in the center of a massive office overlooking the beautiful rolling hills just southwest of Nashville. The phone rang with Tipper on the other end. “Yes Tipper, I heard” as he preempted her question. “OK then, what is it, that you heard? I’m getting all my news from Fox since the DNC has the mainstream media all locked up.” “I understand it’s all about money. It’s always about money,” he said. “She wants a million dollars.” “Well, that’s coming from his half because I’m not paying for his blowjobs,” “Oh, I’ll make sure of that Tipper,” Wayne forcibly responded, “we’re going to make him pay big-time.” As the conversation ended after a few more updates Tipper thought how Al had changed so much over the years. It was as though he sold his soul and the only thing that drove him was the power. That’s when she lost him, she lamented.
It was 10:30 A.M. somewhere over the Pacific Ocean in a military transport that Attorney General Eric Holder threw up for what seemed like the hundredth time, as his trip back from hell, Afghanistan, had turned into the flight from hell. As he moved about the plane bumping into walls and gear the sweat poured off his face in a stream. His body was so dehydrated from the loss of fluids he felt like he had lost 20 pounds and just wanted to die. Between the bad food from the night before at Karzai’s house and the rough flight, he was ready to jump. He knew he had 6 more hours of this hell and had no idea how he was going to make it as the jet hit an air pocket and shot his body straight up and landed him flat on his back. “Fuck me,” he murmured as he rolled on the floor in pain.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the Attorney General’s office was being lambasted by the alternative media for being a racist group of anti-white black-restitution revolutionaries that had only one mission and that was to attack the white majority. More details of the dropped charges against the New Black Panthers in Philadelphia were coming out of the resignation of a top attorney from Holder’s office and the shit was hitting the fan. Even though it put a lot of pressure on the AG’S office the payback felt good for the President and Eric as they continued to stick the racists’ knife into the side of white America.
Later that evening, the President ran down to the Oval Office to get the New Black Panthers case folder when in his bare feet, he stepped on a remaining porcelain sliver from his temper tantrum the other day. As he screamed with pain and fell to the floor grabbing his big toe the 517th day of the Obama Presidency throbbed on.