Friday, June 18, 2010
2:00 P.M. Friday June 18th 2010 Strange Presidential Phone Call
The refreshed President spent most of his morning in Columbus Ohio pushing his stealthy shovel-ready jobs program while occasionally stopping to speak to the crowds. It was pretty obvious that the crowds were peppered with union members and hopeful blacks trying to grab a glimpse of their hero. He knew he looked good today but he was still having bowel movement problems, not quite diarrhea, just messy. He couldn’t help but think that somebody slipped a quart of light sweet crude into that fuck’n fish sandwich on Wednesday in Mississippi.
As he strolled across the empty parking lot with his three guards surrounding him he saw a man approaching him from the left. The man after flashing what appeared to be an identification badge to the Secret Service man, approached him with a strange phone in his hand. He almost hesitated when asked to take it from the man. “This call is for you Mr. President.” He put the phone to his ear as he said hello. The man quickly disappeared while the President listened to the familiar voice on the phone. As the President communicated in perfect native Arabic he started to become upset, which was out of character for him. It was a short conversation but it seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks.
I got to get out of here, he thought, this is bullshit and everybody knows it and I got that Senior Staff Meeting at 2:45. We've lots of fires to put out.
The hour-long flight from Ohio went quickly as he strolled into the White House in heavy thought, so heavy he almost bumped into a 200 year old Americana hall table near the entrance to the Oval Office. He was still mulling over the phone call. Finally, his instructions had come. He had no idea we were going in that direction. They changed the game plan. He didn’t sign up for this kind of shit. He now was faced with the biggest dilemma of his life. A dilemma that could get him and his family killed if he made the wrong move.
Rahm, Valery, Biden, David and Gibbs were the only ones that showed up to the sunny Friday afternoon meeting. Unfortunately, it wasn’t sunny inside at the meeting. “Why the hell can’t I get everybody to a staff meeting? Is running this Presidency now a part time job for you guys?” “If I don’t get 100% attendance at my next meeting, heads are gonna roll. You hear me and pass it on to the rest.” The President was openly pissed off at the 50% attendance to his meeting. Unfortunately, just about everyone on his staff from Chicago could send him up the river if they wanted to and he knew it. So, the bark was louder than any bite. As he stood up behind his desk he felt a gurgling going on in his lower intestine. Rahm gave him a real bad look as his stomach made a noise that sounded like a fart, but wasn’t. “Oh, excuse me,” he quickly blurted. Then he felt a warm wetness oozing from you know where as the 504th day of the Obama Presidency ended with a slam of the President’s bathroom door.