Now The Eagle

Obama - The Pressure of the Job - 7:22 A.M. Thursday September 2nd 2010

Rahm was upstairs in his master bathroom getting ready for a meeting with the President when he heard some tapping at the window just to the left of his oval Jacuzzi-tub that dominated the room. Funny, he thought, this is the second floor, what the hell could be doing that? He was naked and his face was all lathered up with shaving cream. Rahm slowly walked over to the window that was half open with an outside screen in place. He peered out and saw nothing except the green grass of his backyard and the six foot wall that surrounded the place. He went back to the mirror and started over again when it happened again. He wondered if he was imagining all of this. Ever since the Stripper episode his doctor had him on antidepressants to calm the anxieties that he developed from Stripper's exploding head on that Sunday afternoon almost two months ago.


This time he moved quickly on his well trained tippy-toes and caught a glimpse of someone’s hand which was impossible at this height. He quickly opened the window,  pushed the screen out, and it tumbled to the ground. He pushed half of his body out the window to get a better look as two arms grabbed him and ejected the rest of his naked body out the window. With a perfect pirouette and a flip of his body this old Balleroux hit the grass flat on his back.

Still, there was no one as his eyes opened and he checked for broken bones. The shaving cream was now smeared all over his naked body. He was a mess as he got to his feet while neighbors started looking out their windows and calling 911. “Yes, operator he’s about five foot two, kind of like a midget and he’s running around the back yard with white stuff all over his body, and he’s, he’s naked, too” old lady Murphy said to the 911 attendant. Rahm, knowing he was in trouble, tried to get in through the back door but the entire house was locked. His wife was in Chicago with the kids and he was left home alone, naked and without a key on him, actually you could say he had nothing on him. He remembered that there was a key hidden near the front door in case the kids forgot theirs, so he made a beeline right for it, forgetting that he was naked and that there were always two or three press trucks camped out front with cameras, everywhere.

As he sprinted towards the front door overlooking the cameras that were now snapping like Fourth of July firecrackers he slipped on his wet grass and landed in the wife’s freshly planted flower bed. Naked and with fresh fertilizer mixed in with the shaving cream, he now looked like he had a nasty case of psoriasis. Reporters hovered around his naked body with cameras and recorders asking furiously why he looked this way, as five, not two, but five patrol cars pulled up. With two shakes of a lamb’s tail the boys in blue Tasered him on the spot, as the 580th day of the Obama Presidency awoke Rahm from his electrifying nightmare.