Now The Eagle

Obama - Qu'ran Burning - Ground Zero Mosque - 2:22 P.M. Wednesday September 8th 2010

Somewhere in Ohio, the President’s personal assistant alerted him. “Mr. President, I have the Imam on the line, do you want him?” “God, yeah,” he said. As he took the cell phone from his assistant, he moved over to a more private area while most of the students that came to hear him were leaving. “Yes, Imam, thanks for finally getting back to me. You know, I did call you last week?” “Yeah, ahuh ahuh ahuh.” Yeah, but you know when the President of the United States calls you, you’d think you would call me back as soon as possible, and anyway where the hell are you now?” “Yeah, ahuh ahuh ahuh.” Yeah, but you know Imam this isn’t working out, this Mosque thing. I’m facing a shit-storm over here, while you’re globe-trotting on the taxpayers. Everybody is pissed at you and now the country is doing an anger transfer from you to me and it’s not pretty. Anyway, you’re not really there are you? My God if the press got a hold of this…..geez.”
The President remained on the phone as he struggled with one of the biggest problems facing him, and that was saying something. “What, what, you want me to what? I don’t think so, Imam. That’s not going to work. Yeah, ahuh ahuh ahuh, yes, Imam I hear you, but that’s’ going to be a pretty hard trick to pull on the American people. You know getting America to pay for this thing would be a stretch, don’t you think, I mean really?

In the middle of the President’s conversation he saw another incoming call on his phone’s screen from the Qu’ran burning Minister in Florida. Oh God, he thought, not him, not now. “Listen Imam, I’m going to have to get back with you, and we’ll talk when you get back from Tehran, okay?”

He pressed the two special off-on buttons on the encrypted phone as the Qu’ran burning Minister started quoting proverbs from the Holy Bible, while the President tried to get a word in edgewise. “Listen, Qu’ran burning Minister, sorry, I mean Minister, you can’t do this, it’s not right. Anyway I’m in a shit-storm over here and the whole country is mad at me for looking like a Muslim. I need a little help from you guys down there. I’ve been thinking about this, and I’d like to make you a deal. I saw the pictures of that shit-hole church you’ve got down there, and, well, why don’t we just buy you a brand new church, okay? How’s that sound? But you have to promise me you won’t burn that fuck’n book.”

As the President finished up his deal with the Qu’ran burning Minister in Florida he thought he now had some leverage with the American people to fund the Mosque at Ground Zero as the 586th day of the Obama Presidency scheduled a beer party with the Imam and the Qu’ran burning Minister from Florida.