The President was shooting hoops with Arne Duncan his Secretary of Education this morning when Valerie Jarrett interrupted his one on one for some very interesting news. He grabbed a towel and wiped off his sweating head. “OK Valerie what-cha-got for me?” “Mr. President this George Steinbrenner death is troubling.” “What do you mean troubling, he responded?”
“Well sir, my people are telling me that wealthy individuals, mostly Republicans that are close to death or could die if not given medication or medical treatments are scheduling their deaths so that they die before the end of the year. Of course you know they would be taking advantage of the inheritance tax exemption which expires at the end of the year. “What? Those white honkies are doing an end-run around my redistribution program?” “It appears so sir. I also have specific information that indicates that George Steinbrenner stopped taking his heart medication so as to die from a heart attack this year, thus saving his family over a half billion dollars in taxes.” “OK, contact Tim at the Treasury and tell him I want a criminal investigation on the Steinbrenner estate. If he conspired to die before January first I’ll throw his fucking corpse in jail along with his casket and flowers. We want to make an example of George, after all he should have gone to jail decades ago for funneling illegal campaign funds to Nixon. Now there was a criminal. His Presidential pardon was bullshit and this time I’m going to get him, even if he is dead. We’ll just take all of it. With penalties and interest we could get most of that estate.” “Very good Mr. President, I’ll get right on it now, sir.”
The President felt good knowing that he made a billion dollars and it wasn’t even noon yet. He felt powerful, which was a feeling that was becoming more and more infrequent as the 530th day of the Obama Presidency pillaged on.